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Q

My name is girlyboy. This morning my step-sister Donna - 14 so hot:-) - caught me masturbating in the bathroom with her underwear on my face. She laughed at me and took a photo on her iPhone. What do I say to Donna before she tells mum?

A

It’s understandable that you are feeling unsure what to do in this situation. When people take social media images of you without your consent it is illegal. As you are a minor, that is illegal as well. So two things are happening here - a personal problem and a legal issue.

Firstly, you should try and talk with Donna. Masturbation is a totally normal activity and you were doing it in a private space, so Donna needs to respect your privacy. There is also the issue of you using her underwear, which is not respecting her privacy and could be confronting for her.

You need to communicate to Donna that you are unhappy with her having an image on her phone and that it needs to be deleted. It would help if you could discuss respecting each other’s privacy and what that would look like. For example, locking the bathroom door or knocking before entering, and not touching each other’s belongings. You can do this by stating what you are feeling. For example, “I feel … about …  and I need…”. i.e. I feel embarrassed about what you saw and I need you to delete the photo.

It could be a helpful thing for your mum to know what happened, because as a family there needs to be boundaries and rules to keep you feeling safe. You could explain to your mum about your feelings and need for privacy using the same “I” statements as above. I don’t know what your relationship with your mum is like, but there are two sides to this story.

If you are having sexual feelings towards your step-sister Donna, it’s important for you to discuss this with a professional, so you can establish boundaries and ways to be respectful of Donna. You can do this confidentially and for free through email or on the phone with one of the services I have listed below. Remember, although this may seem embarrassing and huge for you, we hear and listen to similar stories every day. These services have very friendly people on the end of the phone or computer who would love to talk to you.

  • eheadspace - www.eheadspace.org.au or 1800 650 890 – an awesome organisation for young people aged 12-25 where you can email a counsellor or make a free call and get ongoing support. Their website has great information pages and links. I suggest that you call them so you can have a personal support session and discuss the details of your problem. 
  • Kids Helpline – www.kidshelpline.com.au or 1800 55 1800. Although their name is Kids Helpline, this support service is for people up to age 21. You can call them for free and get lots of support. 
  • Mensline – www.mensline.org.au  or 1300 78 99 78 - a place for men/males to call for support.

We also provide counselling for children, young people and families in our Relationships Australia Victoria centres in Melbourne and regional Victoria. These include Ballarat, Boronia, Cranbourne, Greensborough, Kew, Sunshine, Shepparton and Traralgon. You can find out more about our counselling service on here.

This resource is tagged with:
family emotions and healthy minds sexual health