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Q

I like this guy which is a close friend of mine, and I'm not sure if he likes me back. How can I tell if he also has feelings for me and should I tell him the way I feel?

A

It can be hard to talk to someone when you have strong feelings for them. It can feel especially awkward if you already have an established friendship with them. You may feel like you are putting your friendship at risk.

There isn’t really any real way you can find out if this person shares your feelings without talking about it. You friend may enjoy seeing you, talking with you, sharing things with you, share similar interests, but be very satisfied with a friendship with you. Or he may be doing all of the above and also developing stronger feelings for you.

Sometimes naming this can help clarify the kind of relationship you are actually experiencing. You could for example say something like, “Sometimes I feel like the way we are together is more than friends. Do you sometimes feel like that too?”. This is a good way to nudge the door open to this type of conversation without completing opening it up. You could also ask another friend what they notice about your relationship.

If you are too preoccupied with the question of whether he likes you back, it’s a good idea to talk about it, as in the long run it will be hard to enjoy your friendship with him anyway.

If you start to feel overwhelmed by this it would be good to talk to a trusted adult. If you don’t have an adult you feel comfortable talking to about this issue, I’ve listed some great services below where you can get information about relationships and your health in relationships. These services have websites with information pages, as well as confidential telephone support with very friendly people on the end of the phone who would love to talk to you.

We also provide counselling for children, young people and families in our centres in Melbourne and regional Victoria. These include Ballarat, Boronia, Cranbourne, Greensborough, Kew, Sunshine, Shepparton and Traralgon. You can find out more about our counselling service on the connectEDspace website here.

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friends relationship